Fun in the Forest.

Today Im going to share our family weekend fun we had in The New Forest in Hampshire, we combined our love for Geocaching with entertaining the kids on a cheep budget so this was perfect.

I spent a lot of my own childhood camping in The New Forest at Denny Wood not far from Lyndhurst so that was definitely on the list. 

We started off with a short afternoon walk in the sun on Saturday afternoon grabbing afew caches along the way, it’s amazing what beautiful locations we find while on our travels that we didn’t even know where round the corner. We managed to do 3 miles before time was against us & had to get back to normal life & get some food. 

   

    
 

As we didn’t get too much covered we planned a longer walk for Sunday.

We headed straight for Denny Wood Sunday morning & found a cache of the same name, in the description the owner explained their love of the area too which was nice to share, we began walking & 2 hours later, it felt like we had walked the whole forest not just afew miles but we finally found it then moved on to some others where we found some beautiful land just before sunset with a heard of Deer & their babies grazing with the ponies, photos didn’t show a fraction of how beautiful & peaceful this was, we sat on a wooden bridge watching them for a while before heading back to the car to return home again very late but after a brilliant weekend. 

   

    
 

The New Forest has got to be one of my favourite places to be, I’ve spent so much time there, nothing really changes, everything is natural with little interference from ‘us’.

Looking forward to more days out here over the summer, there is no better feeling than loading the car with kids, food & petrol, heading out to the open with minimal interaction from humans. 


Natalie 🌼

Newquay 

It’s been a while since our last family holiday, Logan wasn’t very old & still in a travel cot & needing everything including the kitchen sink!

We use to do the Sun holidays twice a year at least, family time is very important to us so I book them as we returned from one! However since the new rules about taking children out of school & facing a fine we haven’t chanced it so we’ve had to wait this long to get a booking in half term.

I booked Newquay last year for the Easter hols, as it was starting to near I changed to my normal panic moaning mode & started organising care for our animals, lists, packing, cleaning the car, new tires while my family carried on a normal, clearly  I’m the only one that can do these tasks!

So the car is packed to the point of bursting, plenty of food, house locked we can go!! The dreaded 4hr drive with 3 children, what have I done? Why did I not get something closer? We had done the drive before but with only two at the time which wasn’t so bad & they mostly slept, this time not one child did! 

We hadn’t been on the road long & yep you guessed it the questions about how long & ‘Are we there yet?’ started even though it was explained to all before we left, the day before, the week before & the week before that, silly me to think that would be enough! 

Once we arrived after a lengthy drive with stop off for more food (what we had wasn’t enough either) we got given our accommodation for the week….and relax! Bliss, everything was quiet, we had a whole week together, no work, no school, just fun!! 

We began unpacking to get some sleep ready for adventures early the next day, or that was the plan!

Logan had other ideas, he didn’t want to sleep in the bed he was given or any bed for that matter or away from me! So by 3am I gave up & we fell asleep together in original bed given. 

Next morning with such a rough night we or should I say me couldn’t be arsed to move to be honest not only had I been up most of the night but had also had a rough previous four nights sleep stressing about getting here in the first place, we carried on with original plans regardless to take Logan to a dinosaur park as he loves them with a passion. We had a good exhausting day, left there late so thought yep this is it he will sleep tonight &  he did! He developed a great fondness for his new ‘holiday bed’ & slept all night every night. Us however being given a hard double when you have the biggest, softest bed complete with memory foam at home where your feet don’t hang over the edge didn’t sleep for the whole damn week!!! 

  

  

This was going on to be the most exhausting holiday I have ever experienced, the moods were getting bigger along with the bags under our eyes, we did afew days out but tired so quickly it wasn’t being enjoyed as well as our past ones, surely we deserved this well awaited break?! 

One our last day we had put off going to the Eden Project til now as we thought it was just about plants despite it being on our bucket list for afew years we thought sod it lets just go!

We had the best day out!! This isn’t what we expected at all, it was fun, the kids loved it, we loved it, it was what we had been wanting all week, finally some smiling faces just a shame it was on the last day.

   

 The drive home was awful we got stuck in traffic, again the kids didn’t sleep it off at all, I developed what can only be described as hell in my head with the worst migraine of my life so much so that I was sick when we walked in the door at 10pm.

On a positive we did mange to pop by Mevagissey for afew minutes, I use to have holidays there as a child & it was very overwhelming to return & see all my memories again, everything was exactly the same.


Looking back it wasn’t all the bad we still achieved what we set out to, spending time together, that’s all we really wanted, everything in between is a bonus. 


And in true me style I booked another the day after we came back for July, so more adventures from us to come. 



Natalie 🏄🏽

Family Life. 

Wow!! How long has it been since my last post?! I didn’t realise how bad I’ve got recently, yes I’m gonna use that word again BUSY! I don’t seem to stop & suddenly afew months have pasted. 

So what have we been up to? This is exciting part, are you ready?…..fuck all!! No really, my days are filled with the same thing I was doing afew months ago, the weather has changed slightly so we’ve moved our attention to sorting outside the house rather than in but that’s pretty much all that’s changed, I know I was shocked to, so much fun ay?! 

  

In all seriousness it’s been a little fun as the space in the garden is slowly coming back from the depths of a dumping ground it was used for so long as, looking nice with brightly coloured flowers again, it makes me smile to see the kids running around it again, laughing & us all getting involved together as a family to achieve this, we’ve stayed up half the night some weekends to get things done while the kids are in bed spreading grass seed on our patchy lawn with a flood light, God knows what the neighbours think of us especially when I start hoovering my decking!! I managed to spend a lot of time resorting an old brown painters ladder which included sanding, re painting, new hinges, distressed & coated for protection to a beautiful white shabby flower stand, I’m quite pleased for my first proper attempt at a garden piece I’ve done some indoor furniture but never something to go through the elements so it needed extra protection. Our proud moment came when it was time to empty our 12ft pool that has been left untouched since last year, after removing the top layer of fallen leaves it was confirmed that it wasn’t just looking black it was in actual fact just that black! During the emptying process we quickly realised we had a whole new echo system growing within our pool, every bug known to man I think had decided to set up home with us & bring their kids, they chose us, I’m delighted however it was time to be evicted!! This took all day to clean but was worth it.

  

Next step is to partly cover the back garden in some artificial grass as we had major problems maintaining a good lawn in the front it’s put us off for life doing the same in the back but we still want some green! We are almost there!

  

Other events that haven’t been blogged over the months are the endless birthdays literally one sometimes three in a week since January including my own which was a complete flop as usual, the husband used the excuse of ‘Babe I’m really struggling with ideas to get you’ He moans 8pm the night before!!! Excellent, well there’s not much you can do now is there! Least it was a different reason from last year I guess. Logan was also very poorly so we both were sleep deprived, covered in sick & generally not in the mood. We luckily now have afew months break from the birthdays.

We had a family holiday to Newquay which will be in another post.

Logan has been well with school continuing to enjoy time with his friends, play & grow, I’m hoping to change a day of his hours soon allowing him to go during a normal school day so that I do something more productive with my time rather than having a quick fart before another school run! Plans include more riding as that’s what us horsey people do this time of year, doing a course in animal care from home & or a small job depending if I can find one for just one day (9.30-2.30) a week & they wont mind me not working if kids are sick & during the holidays….. I like my chances! 


So that’s hopefully gonna be life over the next few months, that’s pretty much what we’ve been up to & I’ll update as much as I can along the way with afew giggles, moans & abit of love. 
Natalie 🍃

Hollie’s 4th birthday.

It’s been a few weeks since her birthday, but I couldn’t face talking about it at the time it was a very hard time.

The weeks leading up to it were difficult remembering what I went through those years ago, thinking what should have been & how much she would of changed by now.

We celebrated her birthday by taking afew presents & flowers down to her & making her look pretty we then returned home for her cake.

   

   

Most friends & family sent their wishes & thoughts on such a difficult day which was comforting but with a pitiful two cards on the shelf compared to her older brothers birthday two weeks before with one from everyone set me off realising no one was going to make the effort anymore like previous years & I guess why would they over someone who isn’t here anymore it’s only important to me! Which got me thinking how long will I? You don’t still buy a card for a Grandparent that has passed yet I do for my daughter along with many other Angel parents as it doesn’t feel right to leave her out. Maybe one year it will feel ok to not do it imagine it will be when she would of been older at ‘leaving the nest’ sort of age.

I received some honest, sort of firm but well needed words from my Dad, who by the way is known for doing so (in a good way), which opened my eyes a little.

To begin they sound harsh & upsetting but listen to the end, he explained i needed to find a positive, yes a positive in the lost of my child well of course there isn’t one, there’s no getting on, getting over & forgetting but he continued to explain I needed to find something be proud of Hollie, get funding in the future to do events & raise money for charity in her memory, plan things for when the kids are older, trips around the world, see everything for her through my eyes, take photos & get memories for her. This is what I need, I don’t need to hear ‘I’m sorry’ every birthday & Christmas it wasn’t your fault! I need to know how I’m going to cope for the rest of my life without her & carry this pain along the way, I need support & love. 

So while to begin with it hurt to hear, I now have something to hold on to, plan & look forward to, I’m going to get her a special travel bear to take with us & have photos everywhere we go, I think that’s as good as it can get & that’s the positives he was referring to.

Happy Birthday Princess!! 👸🏼🎂

  

⭐️Hollie’s gifts are a specially made bimble by a very talented friend at ‘BimbleMAKES’ & a memory whale made to weigh the same as her at birth by ‘ Weighed with love’ both can be found on Facebook.

Natalie 🎈

The week before.

The whole in my heart is getting bigger, the pain is creeping up on me as its getting close to that time of year again.

It’s all I can think about, what would of been your 4th birthday is next week, there’s no happy day though with you still just a little baby. 

I’ve been keeping myself extra busy despite living on just afew hours sleep a night since Christmas, being extra fussy about things, making sure all the washing is done, hoovering at least 5 times a day for any speck on the floor, constant cleaning just to take my mind off things.

This year would of been huge for you, the time where you no longer are referred to as a toddler but more a child now, talking so much I couldn’t shut you up, you would be starting school later this year too, I am missing out on so much & the pain just doesn’t ease.

I have attached myself more to my animals lately, they have always got the best care from me but I’ve recently realised I’ve been mothering them more, buying more toys, treats, beds, the best they can have, maybe this is another way of me dealing with it, I don’t know but I feel comfort when I’m looking after something that depends on me. 

Your birthday this year falls on a Saturday so maybe this will be a time when more family will come to see you as not many have since you’ve been gone which is very upsetting, I put it down to several things mainly that they work & special days like this fall on week days so we shall see, I hope people remember, it would break my heart if they didn’t, it wouldn’t be accepted if I forgot their child’s birthday so why should they mine just because your not here, that’s not normal to me. 

I’ve already got you afew gifts for your day, it’s hard to buy for you I can’t buy normal toys that  you should be enjoying so I have to get ‘keep sake’ gifts, you always get a cake it we don’t do candles, I couldn’t sing ‘Happy birthday’ & have it ending with you not blowing them out, no wishes just silence. We always spend the day with you, making you look pretty with flowers & balloons, showing you your presents but then we have to take them home to go on the shelf or your special box.

Some have told me not to do this, to carry on with the day & not buy things as its more upsetting, how? How can I buy things for my other children & leave one out, I could never be like that. 


So this is the beginning of the road i travel every year, please be patient with me, I get angry over nothing, cry alot, ignore everyone & want people around me, I turn in to someone else to get me through it, im hurting, I just want my baby! 

I love you Hollie 💗  



Natalie ☹️

New year, new me? 

My last post was at Christmas time, I’ve been slowing down writing anything for one main reason, the time of year. 

Although it’s a lovely happy time for all, new year celebrations, starting the diet, again! & everyone getting back to work/school, it’s also an incredibly hard time for us. I’m trying to stay happy for my other children here but there’s always that reminder that one isn’t, the start of another year without you. It’s just a reminder of how much has past since & how long I’ve been living as this new me. Not only that but in afew short weeks it will be Hollie’s fourth birthday so from December to March I become very quiet, sad & not able to deal with the world. 

I look at our son Logan who is 10 months younger than her & im thankful that I made the decision to have him straight after as he brings me abit of her in a way, their progress everyday of growing up would be so similar others may find this painful but for me it’s lovely. 

The next month or so I will not be me, I’m in the middle of a road that I have traveled down afew times now & know what’s coming, I may get angry, sad, cry while driving, not want to be around people then crave company so badly it’s all such a roller coaster that I don’t want to be on but have to ride every year! 

For me there is no new year resolutions, events to look forward to but something very upsetting. 

I will try to write posts on my journey as I think that will help me deal with things instead of keeping it to myself, it may help others understand & maybe other angel mummies can take comfort in knowing they are not the only ones going through it but we travel together.

I will try to end each post with something positive as hard as that will be I will find something good that has happened recently. So for this one it will be our 6th Wedding Anniversary was celebrated at new year so it’s not all bad, we didn’t do much just went for a rainy walk with our children & a bottle of our usual Asti was consumed in the evening, we even made it to midnight this year! 

    

 And…..our dog Lucy had her puppies on New Years Day! 

How about that I found two!! 

   


Natalie 🍾

Christmas time, mistletoe & wine!

Christmas has well truly started in our house, we put the tree up afew days ago with afew room decorations, we have started something new with an elf visiting the kids all month, they have named him Torphen & has been keeping a good eye on them while getting up to alsorts at night, it’s gonna be a fun month.

  

  

Logan will be turning 3 soon,just before Christmas & this year I’ve noticed how much more he’s understanding about it & he’s more excited this year which is keeping me happy, this time of year is also very hard & sad at the same time for an angel mummy, I’m wanting to make it amazing for my children here but it’s so difficult knowing Hollie is missing out, she would be so big now & very much enjoying it in a similar way to Logan, it’s heartbreaking getting through each day without her. 

The following few months are complete hell for me I can feel the black cloud drifting over me & the pain getting heavy on my heart once more where it stays until after her birthday in February.

  

  

It doesn’t get easier as each year goes by, you imagine what they would be like now instead of a baby so in some ways that’s harder. 

We are visiting Hollie this weekend which I’m looking forward to with lots of decorations for her & make her forest look pretty & are planning on spending some of Christmas Day with her to give her presents which will either stay with her or take home & put in her box. 

The other children coming home at the end of a school day, watching a Christmas film or dancing to songs while eating choloate before dinner because ‘it’s Christmas’ are the little things that keep me going, make me smile & I can carry on! 

Natalie 🎄