It’s been a few weeks since her birthday, but I couldn’t face talking about it at the time it was a very hard time.
The weeks leading up to it were difficult remembering what I went through those years ago, thinking what should have been & how much she would of changed by now.
We celebrated her birthday by taking afew presents & flowers down to her & making her look pretty we then returned home for her cake.
Most friends & family sent their wishes & thoughts on such a difficult day which was comforting but with a pitiful two cards on the shelf compared to her older brothers birthday two weeks before with one from everyone set me off realising no one was going to make the effort anymore like previous years & I guess why would they over someone who isn’t here anymore it’s only important to me! Which got me thinking how long will I? You don’t still buy a card for a Grandparent that has passed yet I do for my daughter along with many other Angel parents as it doesn’t feel right to leave her out. Maybe one year it will feel ok to not do it imagine it will be when she would of been older at ‘leaving the nest’ sort of age.
I received some honest, sort of firm but well needed words from my Dad, who by the way is known for doing so (in a good way), which opened my eyes a little.
To begin they sound harsh & upsetting but listen to the end, he explained i needed to find a positive, yes a positive in the lost of my child well of course there isn’t one, there’s no getting on, getting over & forgetting but he continued to explain I needed to find something be proud of Hollie, get funding in the future to do events & raise money for charity in her memory, plan things for when the kids are older, trips around the world, see everything for her through my eyes, take photos & get memories for her. This is what I need, I don’t need to hear ‘I’m sorry’ every birthday & Christmas it wasn’t your fault! I need to know how I’m going to cope for the rest of my life without her & carry this pain along the way, I need support & love.
So while to begin with it hurt to hear, I now have something to hold on to, plan & look forward to, I’m going to get her a special travel bear to take with us & have photos everywhere we go, I think that’s as good as it can get & that’s the positives he was referring to.
Happy Birthday Princess!! 👸🏼🎂