I’m not really scared of much there’s the usual spiders, clowns & the odd weird looking bug….until I really think about it.
I’m scared of a lot more than I thought, right now I’m scared for my kids, I live constantly worried that one will be taken away I think this is a result of Hollie & I have some how got to overcome this, it’s mainly with my youngest Logan but I am nearly reduced to tears just thinking about him not being with me, I am dreading the day he starts big school as he will not be by my side everyday, I already fear someone will take him & he won’t be there when it’s pick up time, I fear someone will hurt them whenever we go out or an accident may happen.
I’m scared of my future, the past has shown me literally anything can happen I have lost all my happiness forever, is it possible to loose anymore? Can life be that cruel?
Day to day life is pretty simple at the moment doing the same thing with little plans in the near future such as getting a small job while the kids are at school but what about beyond that?
I’m scared of getting old & all the problems it can bring not in your looks but in your mind, will I forget my family, my kids all my treasured memories? Simple tasks such as going to the toilet could become something I’d need to do with help, would I loose my home & belongings spending my last days with others in the same situation, just waiting.
Marriage is forever in my eyes but could that face problems in the future, will we survive?
Will I have any health problems?, most people do with age, I may have to face an operation which really freaks me out!
Grandchildren, will I have them? How will I cope with a baby after avoiding them for so long?
I shouldn’t be thinking like this yet, I shouldn’t know this much pain at my age & most of the time I just want to grab hold of life & make the most of it especially with loosing our daughter you never know what pain is round the corner & most days these thoughts are buried.
But they are also good to pop up every now & then to remind us the clock is ticking, go see the world & enjoy it as best as you can!!